So Friday morning, after having not slept for more than 3 hours, I woke up at nine and dragged my happy ass all the way out to Guion, which is like 3/4 of a mile from my dorm. The thing is, I remember getting up and turning the alarm clock off, and I remember swerving up the stairs to my biology class, but nothing inbetween. At all. And the whole time I was trying to take notes and pay attention, even though I know this stuff already, I was absolutely scrawling across the pages and doodling and mixing in words that make absolutely no sense in any context of biology. And then Audra and I treaded BACK to the dorm for the hour I have between bio and italian and the whole time we were walking I pretty much felt like I was floating. I finally woke up enough to do things, and did Italian homework ten minutes before class. And so the rest of the day was crazy - I had Italian and then went and did my Big Sister program at Tye River Elementary school, and then came back and went with my friend Stephanie to get a tattoo, and then came back, and went with Audra to get her eyebrow pierced. And then I came back and watched in the hall as my friend Shawna and my friend Jersey got into a screaming fight and almost threw punches. Then I did some homework, showered, got dressed for the Dell party, and then went over to my friends Jenn and Lindsay's room to play drinking games before the party, because apparently Dell parties aren't so bad if you come intoxicated. Well... I guess I got a little too intoxicated, because I couldn't walk straight at all, and was way out of it by the time we went down to the party, so Audra made me come back upstairs and lay down for a bit. I have always maintained that persons who are drunk should not be allowed near phones and/or email, but I was alone in my room, so I made a few phone calls... yeah. Sorry. And then I was awake enough to go back to the party, so I did just that, but since Audra was hooking up with this guy, Josh, I went to go have a smoke, and when I did, I was approached by this guy named Scott, who seemed really really nice, even though he was a local. So the music got really loud and really bad, so we decided to take a walk, and we walked all the way over to the tennis courts where he tried to force himself on me, which was fun, and then demanded that I give him my number. I refused that part, and got his number, and then mumbled something about having to meet Audra, and bolted back towards the party. I had left my purse up in my room after the phone calls, and so had no keys no nothing, and had to run around trying to find Audra or anyone to let me back in the dorm, and then raced upstairs and threw away the phone number, and sat around with some girls in the hall and drank a little bit more and talked a lot. Around 2 we decided we were hungry, and Jenn wanted to drive, but Jenn was more than a bit wasted, and I was sober, so I drove Audra's car down to Sheetz, this really kickass gas station with the best food (sorry Blimpie boys). And came back and called Adam again and absolutely crashed. And I was then awoken around 1 by Jersey opening my door and climbing into bed with me, which was more than a wee bit strange, and kicked her ass out of my bed, and dragged myself out for a cigarette and some coffee. Cha. Yesterday was a lot calmer, I didn't go out, instead I cleaned and organized laundry and did homework and slept... and am now off to watch The Wizard of Oz at my lit teacher's house and eat dinner. Sounds like tons of fun, eh? OOOOh but in very very cool news... guess who's going to go see Cake at the Norva on Wednesday night? ME baby, ME. How do you like them apples?

Tear drop 3:34 PM of Sarah

Sometimes things get a little FUNky...

So last night was fun with the random drinking even though our PC was out in the hall pretending she didn't care. Tonight there was a huge thunderstorm that shot out the electricity in Amherst. Guess which dorm is the only dorm on Sweet Briar campus not hooked up to the Sweet Briar power plant, but the Amherst power plant. Just guess. MINE baby, mine. So we didn't have any power tonight, so we got out someone's boombox and put on some Missy Elliot and I learned how to dance by myself (oddity of oddities, it's possible!) and then everyone started going to sleep so we went to Sheetz and grabbed some food and a really hot 24 year old guy who scored us some Smirnoff Ice (yum!) and then came back and sat out on the deck for a while and smoked n stuff. The Smirnoff is for the dell party tomorrow night, so we saved that. Then we were so bored and so hot that at like, midnight about six of us hiked over to the fountain in front of the library, which is like two feet deep, and went swimming, and got busted by three cops. But then I pulled my innocent, I'm a good girl act, and we got off scot free. Woo! The phone lines just got hooked back up and I am running on battery power, so not sure how long this will last. Partay tomorrow night from 10-1, give me a call after and make sure I'm not doing anything stupid. Fun plans for change in appearance this weekend... WOO!

Tear drop 1:24 AM of Sarah

Okay, I know this is my second post of the night, but I need to get all of this out before I combust. After cleaning up someone elses' puke, there is only so much love I can feel for the world. I'm already the mom of the hall, I've listened to so many people, and dealt with so many crises. I've hidden three drunks on many different occasions, hidden people who are high, cleaned up puke off the smoking balcony, let people cry on me, and dealt with all of my shit all at once. Don't get me wrong, I love mothering people. But I want someone to mother me once in a while - is that too much to ask? And we're supposed to do this Big Sister program for our education class, but I cannot let a little kid rely on me to be there every week at the same time. I am so afraid I will fuck the kid up that I don't know how to handle it. I don't want to work with kids - you know? Bring on the high school horrors, I am more than prepared for that. Everything is so goddamn crazy and all I want is a goddamn hug that someone won't let go of for a while. I want someone to tell me that everything will be okay. I want to go home so much it hurts... someone get me away from here, I'm dying.

Tear drop 11:53 PM of Sarah

Tears cannot fall behind rose colored glasses.
It is only when the glasses come off that the waters can begin to rise.

I wish that things could go back to the way they used to be. I hate having to deal with all of this controversy over IM and telephone calls. What I want most in the world is to be able to deal with all of this, but the people I care most about are a billion miles away from me, and I can do nothing about this. College is so rough, and I want to be able to do all of the things that I used to do. I want to be able to hang out and stay up in Jason's basement all night, and go watch the sunrise, or finally fall asleep for mere minutes at a time. I want to be able to go sleep in the park in the back of my Explorer with Chandler and Ian, and skip class like we used to do. I want to be able to drive around until crazy hours of the night, and stay up and watch movies, and hang out in front of people's computers and watch GI Joe clips and unemployed things. I miss having people to rag on me about quitting smoking and to take my fucking pill. I want to go back to the nights of talking at Steak-n-Shake until one in the morning. I want people to make fun of me every time I jump at the slightest noise. I want to be able to sing along to crazy songs at top volume and know that my friends are with me. Take me back to electric pink wigs and smoky breaks and strip malls and movie theaters with more than four screens and best friends. It took me so long to find that group, my niche, and now that it's gone, I don't know what to do. At home, everything would still be peachy fucking keen, and no one would be yelling and fighting and getting depressed. College is so terrible to go through alone, and I know I'm not all alone because I still have IM's and phone calls, and Audra and my floormates and everything, but I want what I used to have. But now the glasses have come off and I can see things I couldn't see before when I was romanticizing and creative writing my life. I know that when I come home, we will all act like it's the same, and perhaps it will be, for the most part, but things have changed and things have happened that will change the way we all see each other. Everything is tinted differently now, and I wish we could have what we used to have. This hurts so incredibly much, and I do not know how to bear it.

"So, by Chevron, did you mean Texaco?"

Tear drop 11:31 PM of Sarah

Hello everyone! So I bought Chicago on DVD yesterday and watched that with my friend, Jersey, who is actually named Elyse and just FROM Jersey, and we sang along like nobody's business, but I couldn't help but wish that I was back at home in Jason's basement watching it with everyone. I can imagine Clarke rockin out as Velma Kelly, Sara as our Roxie Hart, I would LOVE to be Mama Morton, Jason as Billy Flynn.... and the rest of our friends rocking out in their various ensembles. I cannot wait to come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas and just sit there and watch movies and have fun with you guys. The people here are nice, but they're nothing compared to my people back home. And tonight I drove to a gas station in Audra's car (absent Audra) and rocked out and bought some food and cigarettes for the hall because that's pretty much all there is to do around here. We had a class meeting tonight and they were telling us about all of these traditions and all of this money we have to pay in order to participate blah blah blah, and I'm all.... GET ME OUT OF HERE! I don't do tradition so well, and they have some pretty crazy traditions and pretty cheezy traditions as well. We shall see, folks, we shall see. BUT I have a 9:30 class tomorrow so I have to go to bed now, but yeah. I'm still waiting on those postcards! Come on! My PO Box is so.... empty!

Tear drop 12:46 AM of Sarah

Okay so, for an example in Sarah's stupidity I went to my Biology class today and that was interesting but it's going to be an incredible amount of work. And then I head over for my 10:30 Italian class in Benedict. So I get up to the room that I thought it was in, but it turned out to be a professor's office, so that was out. So then I ran around for like 15 minutes trying to find someone, anyone who could tell me where Elementary Italian was supposed to be located, and I finally ran into a Spanish professor who looked on her computer for the class, and said that it was in Benedict 301, so I went to that room, but no one was there. Flustered, I left a note on the professor's door, and then went back to my dorm room, where I promptly got on the SBC server to check out my schedule. Yeah. So, that 10:30 class? 11:30. Yay for me.

Tear drop 11:07 AM of Sarah

Okay, so, earlier I was really freaking stressed out, and if any of y'all have read my away messages, you can tell, but that's cool. Today was first day of classes (!!!!!) I had my education class and my honors film class, and it was awesome. I get to do a presentation on the Cutting Edge and for our final exam we have to analyze Bend It Like Beckham. I did laundry today, that was interesting, but I'm damn proud of myself. And... books are freaking expensive. BUT I bought massive cool posters today, a Requiem poster for Chandler, Donnie Darko for Ian, Army of Darkness for Adam, one for Bethany (must remain a secret) and a Usual Suspects poster for my dad and a Pirates poster (wooooo!!!!) for myself. And then... I don't remember what else I did, but talking to Ian and Chandler like crazy people for a while was absolutely awesome, and then I talked to Sara via two cell phones, which was awesome. People are awesome, so now I'm in a really freaking good mood, and... yeah. So. I don't know what else to say, tomorrow I have more classes and Audra is going home for the weekend, so it'll be just me for the weekend if anyone wants to call me up or something. BUT she might be going down to Atlanta next weekend, so if any of y'all are still in town, I'll probably come in with her and spend the weekend. How cool would that be? Granted it's a nine and a half hour drive, but yeah, whatever. People, please write me letters or send me postcards or something, because I don't want to be the chick who never has anything in her mailbox. So, PO Box 805, Sweet Briar VA 24595. Yeah. Send 'em. Fast. Much love to my Atlantians, I love you much and much and much. Byeeee!

Tear drop 1:00 AM of Sarah

Oh. Jesus. So I've only been here three days and already my grandmother is in a coma and might die, my sisters had a near death car accident that totaled the car, my dad found out I smoke, my dad found out I've had sex, my dad found out about my drinking on prom night, I have scheduled myself for 21 credit hours, when you're only supposed to take 15, and I can only narrow my schedule down to 18, because in order to get your teacher licensure here, you have to take a 5 year fucking program, I haven't gotten my id made yet, I haven't had my meningitis vaccine, I haven't turned ANY forms in to the health office, I am not sleeping, I've had six cups of coffee full of sugar, and I can't figure out for the life of me how to deal with all of this shit. Plus, my college wants me to double major and double minor so I'll be majoring in English and Creative Writing with a double minor in Education and Film. I want to go home, now. Please. My grandmother is probably going to die this weekend, and I haven't seen her in like almost a year and I haven't talked to her since graduation and I am a bad fucking family member and all I want in the world is to go to sleep and not wake up, and/or wake up and realize that none of this is happening and life is still about as perfect as it was when I left. But I haven't officially registered for classes yet, and I can't go home the first fucking week of college, especially if nothing ends up happening, which I hope it doesn't, and I can't do anything at all. FUCK.

Tear drop 12:23 AM of Sarah

Hello boys and girls (oh god, boys... how I miss the sight of them...). Sweet Briar is... in the absolute middle of nowhere, but it's beautiful. Orientation is not so much fun as we're being treated like middle schoolers and have planned activities and the like, plus everyone has to take placement exams (except me, hurrah for having a 5 on my AP lit test and FUCK french!). They're all mushy-gushy let's come together as a community and I'm really not feeling that. There are seven girls on my floor (including me) who have decided we are the Sinners Club which is cool for us, but bad for our PC and our RA. Food schedules are so effing weird around here, and the only place open (on campus) past like, 8, is Le Bistro on the complete opposite side of campus (and the campus is enormous) and I have yet to find a vending machine, so am actually starving not by will, but by force. Yippee. The dorms caught the computer virus that was going around so we're not allowed to connect to the ethernet until Monday night, so I'm on a computer in one of the labs in Benedict. Like I know what that is. Took me 20 minutes to find. Yah. Am going to try to get on IM but miss you absolutely tons and wish that there were people to laugh with here. And hug on. And flirt with and have it not mean anything. I need boys, I need my swirly-girls... I need people I have inside jokes with, because y'all know I am NOT an extrovert, so making friends is... interesting. Am adopting slight southern slang because my roommate is southern as is the majority of my hall. My hall also has the most smokers, the most piercings, and the most male visitation rights out of the freshman dorms. Yeah the Sinners Club!
On the downside, my sisters were in a really bad car accident. They were turning left into the AMC and they had a green light, and this girl comes barreling out of the Toys'R'Us exit going about 50 straight across to AMC on her red light. If Jess hadn't seen her and sped up, Laura would have died on impact. As it was, Jess did speed forward, and only managed to have the ENTIRE REAR OF THE CAR taken off. Seriously. My sisters little white car is dead, dudes. I found out today, freaked me out. I'm glad they're okay. If any of you seniors see them in the halls, check on them for me, okay? Thank-you much.

Love to everyone... write me emails and let me know what y'all are up to. :)

Tear drop 8:29 PM of Sarah

Today is my last day in Alpharetta... I was up till four this morning packing up everything, and got back up at 9:30 to load it all into the car and make sure I had EVERYTHING I needed. Well, as I was loading up the car I realized that I had forgotten something very, very important. A box of tissues. I don't know about everyone else, but I am an incredibly sentimental person, and for me, tomorrow at 10 am is going to be one of the saddest moments of my life. I moved around a lot as a child, and the longest I ever lived in one place was seven years. Unfortunately, I only remember about four of those years, so living here in Alpharetta is the place that I have lived in the longest, according to my memories. With each move, leaving gets harder and harder, and it hurts worse each time I have to leave old friends. I've lost touch with a good 99% of my old friends, and I am hoping desperately that that is not going to happen when we all head our separate ways. It took me a good four years to find you people, and now that I have you, I'm not ready to leave and let go of you yet. Spending all of this time with you has been one of the greatest experiences of my life, even if the circumstances were sometimes unfavorable. I want to thank each and every one of you for always being there for me, whether it was to offer me advice, or just let me cry until I could calm down again. You guys have taken so much care of me over the past 8 months, I'm not sure if I could survive without you. I wish each and every one of you well as you head off to college, or to my senior girls, enjoy your final year in high school. I love you all, and I will miss you terribly. Call, email, and IM often. Love always and forever,
Sarah

Tear drop 2:30 PM of Sarah

I have not been able to get in touch with my roommate yet. Great, right? So I tried to Google her, per Drew's suggestion, and figure out what she was like. Well, apparently there are a zillion Audra Millers all over the US who graduated this year, none of which are from Arden, North Carolina, as my roommate is. I spent over an hour glazing over page after page of options. Then, on a whim, I searched myself on Google, to see if Audra did the same thing, what she would come up with. Well, apparently there was a supermodel (was? is?) in the 90's who is named Sarah Thomas, so the internet is extremely populated with pictures of this gorgeous freak of nature whom I most certainly am not. So. We're both in the dark.

Tear drop 1:23 AM of Sarah

It's over. We're done. The incident that has plagued us for almost 3 months is finished. We got off! The tickets were thrown out, we didn't get any suspensions, nothing will affect or lisences or insurance at all... we're golden. All of that hard work, the letting people down, the trying to build everything back up from scratch.... it all came together and got us out of this incredible shit pile we were in. We're FREE. My parents are considering putting me back on the insurance so I can drive Lola around and maybe even take her to college with me. I am so incredibly excited, holy shit.

Tear drop 10:21 AM of Sarah