Well band camp was band camp. Actually it was a lot more fun than I remembered last years band camp being. The weather was cool, because it was overcast the entire time we were there, and it rained quite a bit, yippee, so outdoor sectionals for the colorguard were CANCELED. WOOOHOOO. And we managed to put 27 pages of drill into memory along with all the show work, so wow, things were awesome. And for those of you who don't understand a word I said, it doesn't matter, just know that that's pretty incredible. And friends are way fun, especially in a camp environment (this is the only type I've ever been to) even though I really want to kill the majority of the rookie guard. And the dance was great because the last song was "Have I Told You Lately that I Love You" by Rod Stewart, and I danced with my friend Nick Castillo, and we sang to each other, and did the motions and it was awesome. And right before that we had all spazzed out to "The End of the World" by REM, which is an amazing song to flail along to. And I came home, and I was so tired, I wanted to die. And I was sunburned, especially on my boobs (probably an overshare, get over it) because of the low cut sister-shirt my little guardie sister made me, which hadn't seen the sun since I was like 2. And so I came home, ate dinner, went to the video store, and then went to sleep. And I got up and went to work at 9 the next morning, and stayed there until 6:30, came home, went back-to-school clothes shopping, went to sleep, got up and did it again this afternoon. I still feel like sleeping for days, but I have band practice tomorrow at 9. Fabulous.

Tear drop 10:30 PM of Sarah

Hey pals and gals, I've gone off to band camp, see you on Friday. Oh the joy, the rapture that is Furman University in the middle of July. Send me good thoughts! Love to all....

Tear drop 2:16 AM of Sarah

Ok, so AP's didn't really go quite as I had expected. I mean, I was really hoping for a three in Physics. Really. I knew it was a major stretch because I do not contain one iota of the genius required to do well in that class, but still, I could hope. I expected a 2, I really did. I don't know why, because I'm stupid, but I really wanted a 2. But no, I ended up with a 1, which just proves that I really am a moron and completely not math science oriented at all. Good thing I'm not taking Calc or Physics C, huh? But I ended up with a 4 on history, which is what I expected to get, so that wasn't really a bad moment. Oh well. And Drew stood me up yesterday, thanks pal. No, just kidding. But I'm going to work on rifle now, because if I get my triple, I'm on the line.

Tear drop 2:06 PM of Sarah

Yeah!

Tear drop 11:55 PM of Sarah

Before I go to bed each night I put a movie on on my computer, and fall asleep to the dimmed murmurs of dialogue and action. I think my subconscious is having a field day mixing all of these things together. Lately I've viewed Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Mulan, Legally Blonde, Gosford Park, Orange County, and State and Main. My dreams are going nuts. But they make sense , in a weird way. Tonight: the Royal Tennenbaums. Yay!

Drew: Every greater must have some sort of conflict with the place he grew up... do you think that Faulkner would have written A Light in August if he had left the south? No! And it was a great book (I think....) Take my advice.... watch Orange County, put things in perspective. Things really aren't so awful. You could be in Shaun Brumder's position, look what kind of a day HE had... and everything worked out fine for him. He even got to discuss creative writing with Kevin Kline! Wow! But anyway, I know what you mean about wanting to live somewhere and have problems. I understand exactly what you mean.

Tear drop 12:39 AM of Sarah

Atlanta can be opressive, the way that when you step off the airplane, the first thing you feel is the weight of its atmosphere. The air is so thick in Georgia - humid, wet and clinging to everything. And everything is tinged with a shade of gray, bringing about a bleakness that makes a newly returned home traveler say "blech." And public transportation sucks, and traffic is awful and terrible, which is where my monstrous case of road rage stems from. And there's nothing interesting to do, no special sights, no neat streets to just drive down, no mountains or lake to go visit. It's just a city. No magic inside its streets. And when you return home, you've just left somewhere where you feel like you belong. You feel like your home was there, not here, and that you lose everything you've built up yourself to be when you step off that airplane. And the greatest people in the world are not where you're going, but where you've left behind. So I can understand where Drew is coming from, because I've been in almost the exact same situation. Albuquerque is the place I love to be - I am at home there, not stressed out, organized, and disorganized, and loving what I'm doing and who I'm with. And I never want to come home. Ever. I go through withdrawal. And then again, I can see Amy's side of the story. Because Atlanta has great music. Bands love to come here, and there are always tickets available (during the summer when there's lawn seating). And MARTA works perfectly well - I have traveled it alone numerous times, and taken it with people to the airport, concerts, downtown. It's fully functional, and yeah it doesn't go everywhere like the L, but it gets you pretty close. Plus we're working on it - they're still expanding. The L's been around a while. And there are great people in town, too. The majority of my best friends are here, and I don't know what I'd do without them, even in a place I love with people I love. Atlanta is not as bad as it seems stepping off a plane - you adjust to the atmosphere, remember how to breathe in humidity, erase the gray....and then you remember the most important thing of all. That you live here, and your entire existence is wrapped up in this world. Your friends, your family, your job, your school, your extracurriculars, your fun. You exist here, most of all. More than Chicago, DC, London, Boston, Albuquerque, etc. etc. And life includes the bad stuff - bad memories, stress, etc. That's why all these other places seem so cool - they don't have all those stressful moments hidden in different sights and sounds. They hold only the good. So remember that you do have fun here, that you do love it here 9 months out of the year, your friends are here, and the girl you left behind will only be a phone call or an IM away. That's the way it works. And those feelings of remorse will fade after a little while, just like the pain of moving does, and they'll flare up randomly in your future, but they won't be quite as intense. It gets better. I promise.

Tear drop 2:50 PM of Sarah

I think my head is going to explode. Really. I'm quite sure of it.

Tear drop 2:05 AM of Sarah

The other night Drew told me that one day a little voice had piped up inside his head, and told him that it didn't really matter where he went to college. And he tells me all this while I'm busy freaking out about my scholarship, and my writing, etc. etc., and I kind of wrote it off, you understand, he's assured to get in to wherever he applies, and they will automatically give him an arts scholarship. Of course I was being cyncial and self-deprecating and basically mean to everything I encountered, so everything that I said before that is true was not intended to be said in that snotty tone of voice. And tonight I watched Orange County, which was an amazing movie. Simply amazing, and it was so inspiring. I feel like I am riding this writers high, and no matter what I do in my life, I'll never be able to stop spewing forth words, which could be really bad for those of you who find me boring and commonplace. But I don't care! I realized that if I don't get into Hobart and William Smith (which will devastate me) that it won't affect what I write, or how well I write. Well maybe what I write, but still. And if I don't get the scholarship then yes, I'll cry, but I know that I can write. And that's all that's really supposed to matter, right? That you have faith in yourself? I think so, and right now I'm crushing Colin Hanks geeky writer cute, and I just want to type away, mindless streams of words, letting them flow. Oh man, I don't think I'll be going to bed for a while.

Tear drop 11:51 PM of Sarah

I think 98% of the guys I know have declared that this summer is the summer to shock me to death. First the thing with my two guy friends having sex. Then with David announcing that he's getting married, and asking me to be in the wedding, and asking me to drive up there this Sunday to discuss things with him, after not seeing him for 4 years. And then, wonders of all wonders, Casey has a girlfriend. Which means, I guess, that he's effectively moved over Hannah. Which means, I guess, that he's been lying to me for the past few months, which would explain WHY he's been avoiding me since the middle of May, when he visited. Which, I guess, is to be expected. I was in love with the guy for a year or so, unrequited of course, which lead to the big impossible first kiss, and his senior prom which, was not remotely relationship-al, just platonic. He probably freaks out when he checks his caller id, "oh man, how am I going to tell her, she'll flip". No, I'm not flipping. yet, but that could be because it's 2:30 in the morning, and I'm still kind of stunned. And because I'm talking to Joel, which is nuts, because he's nuts, and I'm nuts, which is not a good combination. And because I realized that I am truly not an original thinker, I can't come up with plot lines, just details. Which is why I will not get my scholarship, and not get into college. Fun stuff, let's throw a party.

Tear drop 2:32 AM of Sarah

The really, really, really stupid frat guys at Butch Walker last Friday finally made sense today. So, waiting for Butch to come on, after Left Front Tire, said boys (all 20-ish, drunk, and very he-manish stupid) start saying, "Fuck the po-lice, fuck, fuck, the po-lice." And I was thinking, oh how mature. And they went into this whole goofy spiel and I'm thinking, are they 12? Did they just learn the work FUCK? What? Well.... my dad and I went to Blockbuster tonight (where I finally met Cletus, and wow, he is cute) to get one of those cards where you pay 25 dollars, get a rental each week for 10 weeks or 2 years, whichever you use up first, I guess, and then you get to reserve a free copy of Lord of the Rings on DVD when it comes out. Pretty sweet deal. And so my dad and I decide to browse through the previously viewed DVD's, and we happen upon State and Main, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Turns out we get a free purchase when we buy two, so I pick up a 12.99 copy of Mulholland Drive, and we go home. I pop Jay and Silent Bob into the DVD drive on my computer, and voila, one of the first scenes is stupid drunk-boys spiel. Imagine. And I enjoyed it. In other news, I lost 4 bucks on the stock market. I hope WorldCom gets bought out soon.

Tear drop 12:40 AM of Sarah

I woke up this morning and felt absolutely LOVELY. I haven't felt lovely in quite a while, and it was good to wake up before my alarms went off, before my dad barreled in, and before the cacophony of the sounds of my house waking up started in. So I got up and turned off my alarms, and crawled back into bed and stretched for a good long while, and enjoyed the sunlight, and my soft sheets, and then I got up and showered and put on lovely clothing, ate a lovely breakfast, and went to visit the lovely Daniel Glenn. Daniel Glenn is one of the most perfect people in the world to go visit when you are in a lovely mood. First of all, he was wearing yellow, which is my favorite color, and made me even happer, and today, we didn't have to stand out side while we conversed - we actually moved indoors, to his family room or living room, which ever you prefer to call it. And we had good conversation, which is an awesome thing to do before 12 o'clock in the afternoon (something I just realized), especially with someone you haven't conversed with in a long time. And then I bade him farewell and safe journey back to GHP, and drove to work listening to the infinitely wonderful sounds of the late Marvelous 3, feeling fabulous and very much like a teenager. Life is good. And tomorrow, I get to drink coffee and look at stock quotes for the first 5 hours of my day! Yippee!

Tear drop 10:42 PM of Sarah

Isn't it great how you can go to work with plans for one thing, and have these plans spin completely off into another direction? I went to work expecting to spend a fabulous evening on the town with my date (yes, I said date) and come home around midnight-ish, hoping for a goodnight kiss. Well, I spent a fabulous evening on a town with a great friend, and came home 11-ish with a kiss on the cheek and a hug good-bye. So Mike ditched me, said no date tonight, which frequently occurs with dates of the Music and Arts coworker variety, and Preston pipes up, and asks me if I want to go to a block party in SugarHill. Where the hell in Georgia is there a place named Sugar Hill? But I said yes anyway. And so, I got on the highway, and drove, and drove, and drove, because Sugar Hill is fucking OUT THERE. It's in north frickin Bumblefuck. I swear. But we got there, and I realized that I was so out of place. These people were all 20 and up, in punky or death-metal clothing, drinking beer, smoking cigarettes, and generally entertaining themselves. I, on the other hand, was 17, in my skirt and shirt from work, drinking a coke, smoking nothing, and feeling the most uncomfortable I've felt in a good long while. And then, it started to rain. Now rain pissed everyone off, as the party was outdoors, and all the band equipment, amps, etc. had to be moved indoors to a tiny studio, where maybe 1/16th of the people there could fit inside. But during the first few moments of the downpour, we all ran to the equipment, and picked it up, and hauled ass to a dry place, so that it wouldn't be ruined. And in those moments, I was accepted into the crowd. It's amazing what a little rain, and a lot of love for good music will do to a crowd and a tag-a-long stranger. We then left the party, and drove to Preston's old home, where I met his mom and his stepdad. Then we drove way out of the way over to Waffle House, and chowed down, which is not always a good idea because of the ENORMOUS amounts of grease they put in EVERYTHING, but with a crowd of 25 packed around a booth, it was highly entertaining. Then we drove to a SHURGARD storage place, opened up three of the storage units, and set up the equipment to play music. It was great, great fun, and then I followed Preston back to my house, and I listened to Marvie 3's Ready, Sex, Go all the way home, pausing only to fill up my gas tank with gas that only cost 1.09 9 per gallon. That was a highlight of the day. And I got home safely, with a cheek kiss from a good friend, bopped upstairs, and got online to find 2 great out-of-towner friends online to converse with, along with a plethora of other wonderful people I love to share discourse with. The night is still young, I have three new ideas for my Arts Scholarship short story submission, and I am surrounded by people I love. God bless the teenage years.

Tear drop 11:52 PM of Sarah

" You hate to let go of a good time, but your friends have to leave. Make the transition with a book or video that will capture your still-racing
mind. Sleep well, dream beautifully and wake up ready for the next stage. " That was my horoscope for the day, and that was amazingly accurate. Last night was fantastic, awesome, amazing, wonderful, wow.... it was Butch. And was there ever a lot of Butch! First there was an interview with him and Toucher, from 99x, and Amy and I were right up front for it, and it was so cool, to watch him just hang out with JJ and the 99x people. And then we had to stand through Left Front Tire, but they were pretty cool. Amy got hit on by a drunk man, it was great. I was her "sister". Fun stuff. And while she was being hit on by a drunk, not at all attractive 27 year old, I fell into wow with one of the most gorgeous creatures on this Earth. In less than 24 hours, he has gone from "could be hot" to "wow, he looks NICE" to "i would bear his children" to "one of the most gorgeous creatures on the face of this planet". And it's true. What grabbed my attention were his tattoos - he had these awesome, simple, black, gothic tattoos sweeping across his shoulders and upper arms. And when he turned around I almost melted - he had a goatee and full lips, with an angular nose, and the coolest eyes ever, because he had some spiral contacts in. Wow. And I just fell into this stupor, and to tell you the truth, I think I enjoyed him more than the show. Amy will kill me for saying that, but it's true. I watched him throughout the whole show, turning around to make sure he was there. He started off in front of me, but we got shoved forward and to the side, and we had to leave him behind. In the beginning, I was close enough to him to touch him, if someone had bumped me from behind, I would have ended up kissing his shoulder. That wouldn't have been so bad. And throughout the show, I just kept turning around, watching him smirk, and dance, and get into the music. I decided about halfway through it that I would approach him after the show, and just say, "I don't mean to offend you, or your girlfriend, if that's who she is, but I just wanted to let you know that I think you're gorgeous." And walk away. But Butch came down from the stage, and the crowd moved, and it was hard to find him, and then Amy almost passed out so we went to go get her water. And while I was buying our Cokes, they passed by. And then I made Amy walk quickly with me so that I could follow him out, I wanted to tell him, just to get a closure there. I didn't think we'd actually be able to find him, they had a good minute or so head start on us, and there were hundreds of people there, all clamboring for the gates. But we did, and we followed him and his friends all the way up to Marta, and then we lost them. And I didn't get a chance to get my closure, and I regret that so much, because now my heart kind of hurts, and my eyes really feel like crying, and I keep thinking of that song they sing in Gosford Park, "we will never find that lovely land of might-have-been..." and I really wish that I could know what would have happened if I had said that, if I had spoken to him. I don't even know his name, he's just a guy I saw at a concert, so how could he affect me so much? I don't know why, or how, but he did. He put some kind of spell over me, and now all I want is him. Sometimes I have trouble remembering his face, but I still feel all the pain of not talking to him, and I can remember his back, his tattoos, because those are what drew me to him in the first place. I wish that I could erase time to the point where I could run up to him in the Marta station and just tell him all these things. But I can't. I can never find that lovely land of might-have-been. So I'll drive to work in 20 minutes, still mulling over my dissatisfaction with my initiative (4 city blocks with no words between us) listening to my burned copy of Ready, Sex, Go, and think about all the fun that I had, and all the wonderful things that might have been.


Tear drop 1:21 PM of Sarah