Haphazardly blogging my way across the years with a depressed post here, a giddy moment there, always leaves surprises for me when I check on ye olde blog three or four months down the line.

I go back through the old posts, and try to remember what it was like in high school, where (though I wouldn't have said it then) everything was so much simpler. I miss the simplicity of high school, the way that everything was spelled out for you in terms of: do this and you'll go to a great college, be happy, and find your way through life just fine. Now, I'm 20 years old, living in my mother's house (I say my mom's because the dad is away 5 days of the week, so eh...) going to Georgia State, and working for my ex-boyfriend's mother. This is not what I imagined my junior year of college to resemble!

Of course wiling away my hours in the middle of nowhere Virginia wasn't my vision either, but some days I think it may have been better than this. Because living in the 'tater like this has made me feel as if I'm trying desperately to be back in high school, where I could skip class and pass, and go out and not do homework, and make everything up later, when I felt like it and still get an A. Watching my sister go through her senior year taking three of the same classes I took has been weird. Her high school experience is a lot happier than mine.

But there are these girls at the gym who come up to the desk and complain about everything, and I am reminded that high school was just drama, drama, drama. I enjoyed it, nonetheless.

Watching Dan relate to all of his high school drama people, and Ian relate to the high school kids at the movie theater (who are managers, wtf?) and looking at my transition from Sweet Briar to GSU makes me wonder if I'm the only one looking back on high school, and wondering if it wasn"t better there.

On an upside, I'm doing the growing up thing and getting a gas card to build up my credit rating. I'm also trying not to overdraw my account all the time. So far, so good. QuickTrip here I come!

Tear drop 1:46 AM of Sarah

Happy 4th of July!

Yeah, that's about all I'm able to say happily. Why why why why why do people do this whole relationship/falling in love thing if it's just going to bite them in the ass 2.5 years later? No sense. Whatsoever. I'm coping. Fucker.

It's not what you thought
when you first began it
You got, what you want
now you can hardly stand it though
well now you know
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
Til you wise up
You're sure, there's a cure
and you have finally found it
You think, one drink
will shrink you to your underground
and living down
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
Til you wise up
Prepare a list for what you need
before you sign away the deed
Cause it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
Til you wise up
No, it's not going to stop
So just give up

Tear drop 5:09 PM of Sarah

Okay. I'm scared. I just found out that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt bought the rights to The Time Traveller's Wife and are planning on making a movie to it directed by Gus van Sant, and screenwritten by the same guy who did The Notebook and Don Juan DeMarco. I really, really hope they don't screw this up. No one has been cast yet, but I'm absolutely terrified of who they will cast. This is my favorite book of all time, it's incredible, and beautiful, and wonderful, and if they fuck it up, I will be devastated.

Tear drop 10:17 AM of Sarah

Friends, I have some terrible news. It's sad and it's horrible and it's disgusting, and it affects one of the worlds most brilliant, genuine, kind, and sharpest teachers. My sister Laura came home from school the other day and was crying. She sat down and she looked me very gravely in the eye, and told me that Ms. Hammack has one of the rarest kinds of leukemia. Less than 5,000 people in the entire world ever get it. Because of said leukemia, she is also retiring at the end of this year.
In addition to that, Mr. Wade will be retiring along with her. Friedman will stay on until after Laura's senior year, and then... who knows. Our high school memories are eroding. Our favorite teachers are washing away, taking with them parts of our high school selves. And worst of all, a woman who has beaten breast cancer has to deal with another horrible disease.
I feel like we should do something, or write something, or anything. I don't know what to do. I just wanted to let you know.

Tear drop 12:31 PM of Sarah

I Heart GSU

The cold, rainy, sleety, absolutely disgusting, morose, and depressing days of winter are finally blowing away - it's 65 in the tater, and the weather is absolutely gorgeous: sunny, breezy - I love it.

Today I was racing to class, as I woke up 3.5 hours late, driving like a madwoman down 400, running through the marta station, and finally running up the stairs out of the 5 Points station, and when I got to the top, I finally got my "moment of clarity." I've been waiting for this moment since I started back to school - the one moment that brings everything together and convinces you that yeah, downtown Atlanta is where I'm supposed to get my education, yes, I am supposed to be in college, and yes, isn't it wonderful?

For some of you guys, it was easy to pick your college, pack up your stuff, and head out. You had chosen the right school. For me (and others) it was really hard to pick a college, and I ended up picking the wrong one. And with everything that ensued with coming home after a nervous breakdown, finding employment, This is Hunter, and Ian living here, I found it really hard to go back to school. I didn't want to. Honestly, I didn't know if I ever wanted to. I would much rather have been staying up until all-hours watching HGTV and working insane hours than dragging myself to class and once again going through the academic grind. I guess I needed a really long vacation.

But this morning while I was stressed out (as is my academic way) I finally got back into the groove. I'm really ready to go to college now, and I am hella excited about taking all of these classes and getting my undergrad degree in less time than it would normally take, and I am even more excited about applying to graduate schools. I suppose I'm just waiting for the chance to come around for me to make the right choice - I suppose I want to prove to myself that I can figure out what I want and what's best for me, mush 'em together, and choose the right school. Hopefully, graduate school will be a chance for me to not only restore my faith in myself, but also for me to restore my family and friends' faiths.

I had a really good time this past weekend at dinner with everyone, I missed my friends more than you guys will honestly ever be able to know. I'm excited about my sister transferring to state, and maybe Clarke, too. If you come, Clarke, you won't be sorry! It's fun! I finally got it!

Also, if any of you francophones would be willing to help me massively cram for the french placement test I have to take in less than two weeks in order to place into 2000 level french, I would really appreciate it. I get to take it on the internet, but I can't minimize windows, and uh, I haven't taken french since high school. So............... Yeah. Any help, advice, etc. would be much appreciated.

Read the Time magazine article in the current issue about why kids are having a hard time growing up - it's crazy interesting, and actually quite applicable to a lot of people we know. Did you know they were going to assign a new stage of human development to our age level? Read it!

Tear drop 12:26 PM of Sarah

My life's got more pick-up than a FordF150

Just last week I was wallowing, correct? Last Monday, that horrible, hated Valentine's Day, was a day of moping, feeling sad, and wondering what I was possibly going to do with all the time I had to sit around. And now, a week and a few days later, my life is going about 80 miles an hour down 400, straining to keep up with itself.

It's amazing how much Sarah of late February 2005 resembles high school Sarah: for the past week I've been getting up early, going to school, stressing out over everything and still not doing well, coming home, scarfing down some inedible South Beach Diet concoction, doing some homework, racing off to work, working and doing homework at the same time, coming home, fighting against the clock to eat dinner, shower, and complete a few random chores before finishing the rest of the homework, and mercifully collapsing into bed no later than 10 o'clock.

If you compare that to Sarah of high school, you will find we are very very similar. The only difference is I get slightly more sleep than she did. But I've been reconnecting with Albuquerque friends (and making new ones) which I haven't really done since junior year, and I've started blogging again, downloading music again, and even my body is beginning to look similar to that of my earlier high school days.

An update, for anyone who cares, is that I've lost 22 pounds on the South Beach Diet since Ian left at the beginning of January.

I find it strange that I can snap back to my high school mentality of have to get it done, have to do this, have to stress, have to stress, have to stress over and over again, so quickly. Am I fighting growing up, as well? Or am I just preparing myself for the way that I inevitably will always be? Was the past year an aberration to be quickly forgotten?

I left Sweet Briar almost exactly one year ago. It's odd to me that some days I cannot tell how much I've changed, and on others, it is all too obvious.

Tear drop 1:32 PM of Sarah

Mapquest: Directions for Finding Your Way out of Hell

I'm slowly beginning to pick up the pieces of my life:

Lack of Job: Has been reversed, so that now have job, am enjoying job, and am getting paid a decent sum of money at job. Plus, I don't have to work weekends, my boss is highly understanding of needing some vacation time to go visit my one-and-only, and get to do homework and hang out when not actually being bothered by gymnastic parents. Woo!

Lack of Interest in School: Well, I have an A in Philosophy, B's in Psych and PoliSci, but... am failing Precalculus and Biology. Biology's not so bad, I am actually studying for this test, but Precal I studied my ass off for, and um, bombed. That's what you get when you take a math class on the computer. Eh. Jones is gonna tutor me, plus I've been doing as much extra work as humanly possible. Have GOT to keep the HOPE, and am also taking May-mester and summer classes, and have meeting with advisor to discuss graduation in August of 06. Yeah, that's right. 06. I took a freakin year off, and I get to graduate a year ahead of my friends? Suhweet. Graduate school, here I come.

I made friends with Joel's girlfriend, Ashley, and she's really fun. We have good times. But I guess what I need to say is that everyone needs to see Don Juan Demarco, if not for the hottness of Johnny Depp, for the fact that the movie is pretty damn good. Love it.

I miss my boyfriend.

Tear drop 9:16 PM of Sarah